Today we are going to try and answer a question you all have asked us many times. After almost 20 years of marriage, how do we keep the romance alive?
Now we are going to be honest here … our whole relationship is not sunshine and roses people.
Have there been certain times in our marriage where we have wanted to kill each other? Of course. Our marriage, just like everyone else, has had it’s ups and downs. It can be really easy to get caught up in your day-to-day craziness of jobs and commitments, only to find you’ve neglected your relationship, especially if you have kiddos running here or there.
Usually when that happens, one of us will say we need to take a time-out and plan something fun to do together.
Sometimes that means taking a fun trip away together (which we love), but that’s not always in the budget. There are times where we just go out to dinner and a movie, which helps us reconnect, or we make dinner together and binge watch some Netflix.
Sometimes a simple walk around the neighborhood, talking about our day, is all we need.
When our daughter was younger, we would drop her off at her grandparent’s for a couple of hours and have a picnic in the park.
We also try to show affection by doing a little something sweet for each other. Topher might pick up my favorite magazine while at the grocery store, and I might write him a sweet note to stick in his suitcase for him to find while he travels for work.
Romance doesn’t always have to be grand gestures that cost a lot of money. Sometimes, just a sweet little something that lets that person know you are thinking about them.
In our marriage we are best friends. Do best friends always get along? Certainly not. But is it fun to kiss and makeup? You bet!
So our answer to the question of How do you keep the romance alive is simply this: it’s a daily commitment to your partner that you’re going to do something each and every day to show that person you love them.
And it’s also during the challenging times. It’s how you answer a question when you’re annoyed. It’s helping with a chore when you’re exhausted from work. It’s being kind when they’re upset. It’s folding laundry when none of it yours. It’s cleaning your plate when dinner is burnt. It’s changing the most horrible, explosive diaper you’ve ever seen … for the 5th time that day. It’s repeating the same sentence over and over and over while love and patience in your voice.
Romance is built on respect, effort, and understanding.
We can’t always whisk away to Jamaica, but we can take time to shut off our phones and check in with each other, and spend a little time speaking each others love language.
The key to a good marriage isn’t a once a year grand gesture. It’s the 3:00 in the afternoon text that says “I’m thinking about you and can’t wait to see you tonight”.